The Next Chapter

I miss Rachel because she’s the only person I really open up to.

Why am I imagining so many things happening between a girl I’m not that into anymore and me? I mean, she’s sleeping on the couch behind me but I’m pretty sure she’s into this guy Calen. I need a cold shower… Especially after seeing her in a hot tub and in a swim suit. She looked amazing.

So, I’ve purchased them in the past but this time was the first time I purchased something 100% for me. some cock rings, and a fake vagina. I think they threw in a dildo… which I have no idea what I’m going to do with, and a “Mystery gift”

House sitting. I.E. drinking with friends as they are house sitting. Hot tubing with 3 other guys and 1 girl who is into another guy of the group. she’s cute though. I do wish Rachel was around; I confirmed it with Seth that we all wish to see her in a swim suit. It’s mothers day; I do want to call and say happy mothers day (for the first time in 3 years) but I don’t actually want to talk to her still. I’m glad Hannah isn’t around because she would hand me her phone as it was calling mom. I hate that. So time to get drunk again and kill my bottle of JD, play some video games, and just enjoy life.
I finally feel like I’m out of my slump from dropping out of college and life events. All that I need now is to start biking again to lose my winter weight.
When R gets back, I’m pretty sure we’re getting piercings. It’s just talk right now but I’m going to push for her to at least come with me (not to watch but to be there when I freak out when a needle is near my penis). I’m kind of excited… and a bit terrified in a good way.

So, I spoke with Denali, Rach’s soon to be roommate. She told me of a story rach told her. The day I asked her to take me to the gym no matter what. Rach came into my room and saw me with a blanket on and shirtless and pantsless. It’s interesting when I hear about me being naked from other cute girls. Haha, its all good. I told her “that’s just how I sleep.” I then told her that Rachel always calls her a sweetheart and that if she does become rachel’s roommate that she has to come spend nerd time with the group.

Being a guy can suck. I’ve had friends spend the night, I’ve been on skype with friends in Alaska, in Texas, and in NC. I’ve had dreams of a girl rubbing her boobs on my face and take my pants off and take hers off… right before my phone rang and woke me up.
it was actually an interesting dream
I was in the middle east, I was in an apartment with 5 Spanish speaking people, 2 of them were just background people, one was a girl who was off to the side, not a skinny girl, but not obese either. then these 2 soccer nut guys would speak broken English to me and I would speak broken Spanish back.
anyway, I started making up a story. it impressed the girl and she sat on my lap and took her shirt off… lol because that would happen.
I miss sex. but I want someone who I can build experience with not just a one time thing. and not over cam or picture texts.

Sexting and Skyping night with wasilla girl. she halfway blew me off for other “guy friends” but she was topless on the cam for a good hour. She showed me both of her dildos too. we’ve been having fun being far away. She doesn’t have an interesting personality or anything, I’ve made sure I was upfront with not being romantically interested with her… many many times. she seems alright with it mostly due to the fact that I’m getting a genital piercing soon. I’m glad she’s interesting in being a regular sex friend/booty call even if she is over an hour drive away. I need experience in sex due to my lack of a consistent partner. If only I was more sexually active in the past. I had opportunity but I was too nervous to take it.

Why is a female version of Elijah Woods not in my life?